January 2021
This was a terrible month! It’s been a terrible month for everyone as my WhatsApp and call log prove, and it’s the lowest I have felt in a very long time. But one thing I learnt the hard way as a young adult is that if you are low, you should tell people that love you that you are low, because they will make you feel less low. (And that taking a lot of pictures helps re-frame the moment both within it and when it’s over.)
I cried a lot in January, but I also got sent cards and flowers and on my birthday six different people sent me cake. A local friend brought me coffees and toasties and his handsome dog to walk. My favourite barista across the road smiled at me every day, I sent gifts and letters and gestures of support to friends around the city and the world, and I learnt a lot of unnecessarily detailed facts about vaccine re-constitution in my volunteer vaccinator training. A stranger on the internet wrote a poem inspired by a picture I took, and I bought a £10 camera that made me look at my neighbourhood differently. I went for long walks and talks in local parks and felt less alone in my inability to comprehend a future beyond this moment right now. I spoke to many friends about bereavement, because January is a hard time and I am a wizened expert.
I have felt dreadful this month, and also very lucky. I hope 2021 will go up from here.
favourite film: Undine, a bizarre German meditation on heartbreak and deep-diving that I LOVED
favourite book: I’ve struggled to read longform, but I really enjoyed some of Shirley Jackson’s short stories and Hilary Mantel’s collection of LRB essays (both birthday gifts)
favourite television: The Wilds, which I watched the entirety of in 24 hours
favourite podcast: Rabbithole from The New York Times, an absolutely wild exploration of internet radicalisation that I can’t believe I hadn’t listened
favourite art: catching the final day of Chila Kumari Singh Burman’s Christmas lights at Tate Britain. I miss art a great deal.